There's a reason why movies tell you to silence cell phones and be courteous to others. Because if you don't, I'll crack your windpipe so you can't fucking talk. All I wanted to do was watch a babe with a gun for a leg kill zombies in peace, but these four wannabe gangbangers sitting next to me just wouldn't shut their goddamn mouths the whole time. I counted approximately five cell phone-answers, all of which started with, "Hey, we're watching Grindhouse." Not only that, but these dumbshit ten-year-olds couldn't stop saying "What the fuck?" at every mutation, decapitation, exploding cranium or other zombie-related gore throughout. Clearly, they are unfamiliar with zombie movies.

Really, there's no genre of movie I like better. Both versions of Dawn of the Dead are cinema du art. I even like Resident Evil. (The second one contains one of the best one-lines ever: after capping a dog this German dude goes, "Stay." To call it Brilliant would be an understatement.)

But my opinion on talking during movies is this: mosh pit etiquette should apply at movie theaters. I will review mosh pit etiquette here:

1) If someone falls, help them up.

2) Don't take blows personally because trust me, it isn't (exception, see rule 4).

3) Keep your damn shirt on.

4) (And this is the applicable rule) If someone is acting like a douchebag, it is perfectly acceptable to knock them in the side of the head.

Overall, Planet Terror is a good movie. It's got everything a zombie flick should have: guns, babes, badasses, Tom Savini, and of course, zombies. Shutting the fuck up isn't difficult. All you have to do is not talk. But no movie should have anyone who's had an Energizer battery stuck in their throat sitting in the audience. It just keeps on going ang going and going and going...

Click here to read my review of Death Proof