I'm gonna get this out of the way right now: I am not a Freudian. In fact, I think the majority of what Sigmund Freud said is bullshit. All that nonsense about Oedipus and penis envy is just ridiculous. However, for all his stupid books and weird concepts, there are a few that actually have truth to them.

Case in point: I'm sure everyone is familiar with sports utility vehicles, or better known as "SUVs." Essentially, an SUV is often owned by someone who has absolutely no need for such an oversized automobile. To me, it's no less than silly.

So what does this have to do with Freud? Well, there's another kind of vehicle that I am going to take the liberty of naming right now: SAYP, or, Sorry About Your Penis.

The SAYP in all it's glory.

	These big ass trucks are purchased and then modified (i.e., raised up) by a certain classification of Southern Californian known as the "bro," called such because not a single one of them have unique names. They're all either "bro", "dog", or sometimes "boss," which makes me wonder what they call their girlfriends. Outsiders such as myself call female bros "bro-hos," but it wouldn't really be tasteful to call them "bro" or "dog," now would it?
Unless, of course, the alpha-male bro is particularly chauvinistic, which is entirely plausible considering how vapid bro-hos are.(Meaning, bro-hos are so stupid they wouldn't know they're being mistreated by their boyfriends. As far as they know, all men treat their ladies like shit.)
Bros are typically seen driving humongous, raised up Ford F-150s and Chevy 1500s as well as the occasional Ram 1500 or even a GMC (be damn sure it's always American-made). The purpose of these trucks are not to haul heavy material or go on frequent boat trips as one might expect, but to compensate for their minuscule penises thus completing my Freud reference and allowing me to move on.

For a more detailed analysis of bros and bro-hos, observe the diagram below:

Often it is possible to spot a bro wearing a pair Oakley or Oakley-esque sunglasses. Little is know about this particular breed of bro, although biologists have suggested that some bros may actually have been born with sunglasses grown over their eyes. Other specialists argue that these sunglasses are retractable--they pop out of their heads whenever they need it. The basic conclusion is still the same: these bros need sunglasses. They have hypersensitive retinas. Why else would they wear them at night, while it's raining, in bed, and in the shower? (Bro-hos have bore eyewitness to this.)

Need more proof that bros always wear sunglasses, even at night? Notice how they always have their damn high-beams on.

It's not hard to turn them off. All you have to do is not wear your sunglasses.

They probably can't color between the lines, either.

More evidence that bros compensate for small wangs. See how they glorify testicles but not phalluses:

What's the point of having nuts but no dick? That's like an engine without a car. It serves no function. It is thought that bros have a fanatical devotion to their balls because of their need to carry microscopes into bathrooms. You may notice in a public restroom that bros will never use a urinal, only stalls. This is because they are too afraid for anyone to spot them trying to find their penises with a microscope. This is a lengthy process as they are often too slow to properly differentiate their penis from a public hair. Also, it is rumored that once a bro tried to solve this problem by shaving. However, when he discovered that his penis was also severed in the process word spread and from then on it has become customary for bros to avoid razors as best they can.